1 00:00:02,052 --> 00:00:04,686 ♪ It seems today that all you see 2 00:00:04,755 --> 00:00:07,990 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV 3 00:00:08,058 --> 00:00:11,560 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values 4 00:00:11,629 --> 00:00:14,712 ♪ On which we used to rely? 5 00:00:14,781 --> 00:00:18,066 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy 6 00:00:18,135 --> 00:00:21,420 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do 7 00:00:21,488 --> 00:00:23,015 ♪ All the things that make us 8 00:00:23,039 --> 00:00:24,723 ♪ Laugh and cry 9 00:00:24,792 --> 00:00:29,878 ♪ He's a family guy ♪ 10 00:00:34,768 --> 00:00:36,028 We now return to 11 00:00:36,052 --> 00:00:38,920 An Early Draft of A Streetcar Named Desire. 12 00:00:38,989 --> 00:00:42,007 Deb! Deb! 13 00:00:42,676 --> 00:00:46,027 Debbie! 14 00:00:46,096 --> 00:00:48,808 Good night, Lois. Sorry about hitting you at dinner. 15 00:00:48,832 --> 00:00:51,232 It was nice of the manager not to call the cops. 16 00:00:51,301 --> 00:00:54,002 Yeah, it worked out. Happy anniversary. 17 00:00:54,070 --> 00:00:56,004 Hey, hey! 18 00:00:56,072 --> 00:00:59,274 I can't remember if I'm supposed to sleep on my stomach or my back. 19 00:00:59,343 --> 00:01:01,053 What does the current literature say? 20 00:01:01,077 --> 00:01:02,511 Peter, go check on Stewie. 21 00:01:02,579 --> 00:01:03,579 Fine. 22 00:01:06,282 --> 00:01:08,717 And don't stop along the way to do graffiti. 23 00:01:08,785 --> 00:01:11,419 But how else will people know that I rule? 24 00:01:12,723 --> 00:01:14,784 Oh, my God, look at you. You're out of breath. 25 00:01:14,808 --> 00:01:17,359 It's 15 feet from your door to mine. 26 00:01:17,427 --> 00:01:20,261 Aw, what's the matter, Stewie? You a little scared in here? 27 00:01:20,330 --> 00:01:22,163 Don't worry, there's no monsters. 28 00:01:22,232 --> 00:01:23,576 Of course there's no monsters. 29 00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:25,183 Or are you worried about what happened 30 00:01:25,252 --> 00:01:26,752 to that family down the street? 31 00:01:26,820 --> 00:01:28,419 Those three guys broke in, 32 00:01:28,488 --> 00:01:30,168 beat up the father with a croquet mallet, 33 00:01:30,224 --> 00:01:31,256 and then stole the baby, 34 00:01:31,324 --> 00:01:33,258 and nobody knows where the baby is now? 35 00:01:33,326 --> 00:01:35,004 Is that what you're thinking about, buddy? 36 00:01:35,028 --> 00:01:36,106 I am now! 37 00:01:36,130 --> 00:01:37,450 Tell you what, Daddy'll read you 38 00:01:37,497 --> 00:01:39,764 a bedtime story. 39 00:01:39,833 --> 00:01:42,434 Ah, let's see. Dr. Seuss, Peter Rabbit... 40 00:01:42,503 --> 00:01:45,521 Ah, here we go, James Michener's Hawaii. 41 00:01:45,589 --> 00:01:47,856 Let's skip three feet in. 42 00:01:47,925 --> 00:01:49,625 Aah, Pearl Harbor! 43 00:01:49,693 --> 00:01:51,443 Okay, let's see, uh... 44 00:01:51,512 --> 00:01:53,478 Ah, here we go. Fairy Tales. 45 00:01:56,266 --> 00:01:58,716 Oh, not on your lap. Aah, gross! 46 00:02:00,237 --> 00:02:02,037 Jack and the Beanstalk. 47 00:02:02,106 --> 00:02:04,773 Now, that title could be a fairy tale or a porn. 48 00:02:04,842 --> 00:02:06,391 Let's find out. 49 00:02:15,786 --> 00:02:18,114 I just don't think you're looking hard enough, Jack. 50 00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:20,605 Ah, all the jobs out there now are terrible. 51 00:02:20,674 --> 00:02:22,885 Be a sorcerer's apprentice. 52 00:02:22,909 --> 00:02:24,854 Look, why don't we just say what this is really about? 53 00:02:24,878 --> 00:02:28,514 I'm not Hank Mesmerizo, and I never will be Hank Mesmerizo. 54 00:02:28,582 --> 00:02:31,794 Oh, come on, Jack. You're nimble, you're quick. 55 00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:34,870 Maybe somebody would pay you to jump over something. 56 00:02:34,939 --> 00:02:38,056 I was too fat to jump that high. 57 00:02:38,125 --> 00:02:40,136 Jack, we need to put food on the table. 58 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:41,659 Oh, give me a break, Wife. 59 00:02:41,728 --> 00:02:44,412 You know, if you could spin straw into gold or maybe meth, 60 00:02:44,481 --> 00:02:46,097 I wouldn't need a job. 61 00:02:46,167 --> 00:02:49,112 Well, then, sell the cow! And be sure you get real money for it. 62 00:02:49,136 --> 00:02:50,318 What else would I get? 63 00:02:50,387 --> 00:02:52,465 I don't know, magic beans? 64 00:02:52,489 --> 00:02:53,922 There are magic beans? 65 00:02:53,991 --> 00:02:56,269 I don't know. Who cares? 66 00:02:56,293 --> 00:02:57,960 What's magic about them? 67 00:02:58,028 --> 00:02:59,940 Don't get magic beans, you idiot. 68 00:02:59,964 --> 00:03:02,297 What? I'd never even freaking heard of magic beans 69 00:03:02,365 --> 00:03:03,465 till you said them. 70 00:03:03,533 --> 00:03:05,817 If I do get them, it's you what caused it. 71 00:03:11,358 --> 00:03:12,507 So, you're selling me? 72 00:03:12,576 --> 00:03:14,053 Yeah, well, you heard her back there. 73 00:03:14,077 --> 00:03:15,955 She wants her stupid magic beans, 74 00:03:15,979 --> 00:03:17,841 so the whole world has to stop. 75 00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:19,180 Halt, travelers! 76 00:03:19,266 --> 00:03:21,817 Oh, my God! Why do you look like that? 77 00:03:21,902 --> 00:03:24,319 Ah, all of these stories were written by Germans. 78 00:03:24,387 --> 00:03:27,522 But nobody can cross my bridge without paying a toll. 79 00:03:27,591 --> 00:03:28,874 A toll? Like what? 80 00:03:28,942 --> 00:03:31,020 You have to name three great Jewish athletes 81 00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:33,378 or pay a thousand gold coins. 82 00:03:33,447 --> 00:03:34,462 Uh... 83 00:03:34,531 --> 00:03:37,165 Hank Greenberg, Sandy Koufax 84 00:03:37,251 --> 00:03:40,401 and Gal Fridman, Olympic windsurfer. 85 00:03:40,470 --> 00:03:43,922 Took gold in Athens in 2000 and the bronze in Atlanta in '96. 86 00:03:43,990 --> 00:03:46,069 I can see you're on your phone. 87 00:03:46,093 --> 00:03:48,943 Oh, come on, I'm supposed to go into town and sell this cow. 88 00:03:49,013 --> 00:03:50,740 Ooh, you're selling that cow? 89 00:03:50,764 --> 00:03:53,844 I don't have much, but I'll give you some magic beans for it. 90 00:03:55,702 --> 00:03:59,004 That's exactly what I was supposed to get! 91 00:04:00,423 --> 00:04:02,757 I said, "Not magic beans." 92 00:04:02,826 --> 00:04:05,871 Look, let's just admit we both kind of got our wires crossed, 93 00:04:05,895 --> 00:04:08,196 and commit to being clearer in the future. 94 00:04:08,282 --> 00:04:10,699 Jack, I'm sick of your irresponsible behavior. 95 00:04:10,768 --> 00:04:13,234 Like when you were supposed to be babysitting Georgie Porgie 96 00:04:13,303 --> 00:04:15,620 and his sleazy brother Rick Porgie. 97 00:04:15,689 --> 00:04:18,334 Hey, Rick, you want to kiss some girls and make them cry? 98 00:04:18,358 --> 00:04:21,643 No, but let's thumb-blast them and make them puke. 99 00:04:21,712 --> 00:04:23,757 What the hell are we supposed to do with these, anyway? 100 00:04:23,781 --> 00:04:24,981 I knew you'd be mad, 101 00:04:25,015 --> 00:04:27,243 so I've asked the band Heart to explain these beans 102 00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:29,612 in a way you can dreamily digest. 103 00:04:29,636 --> 00:04:31,486 ♪ These beans 104 00:04:31,555 --> 00:04:35,690 ♪ Go on when I close my eyes 105 00:04:35,759 --> 00:04:39,227 ♪ Every second of the night 106 00:04:39,295 --> 00:04:41,663 ♪ I live another life 107 00:04:41,732 --> 00:04:47,301 ♪ These beans that sleep when it's cold outside ♪ 108 00:04:48,488 --> 00:04:51,540 They changed the word "dreams" to "beans." 109 00:04:51,608 --> 00:04:53,686 I was hoping they'd change a few more words 110 00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:55,355 to pertain to our situation, 111 00:04:55,379 --> 00:04:57,459 but I'm just happy they did this. 112 00:04:57,514 --> 00:04:58,813 Jack, this is ridiculous. 113 00:04:58,882 --> 00:05:01,149 Tomorrow I want you to go back out there 114 00:05:01,218 --> 00:05:03,385 and look for a job that pays actual money. 115 00:05:03,454 --> 00:05:05,486 These things are worthless. 116 00:05:07,391 --> 00:05:09,674 I know she's gone, but can you do the other one? 117 00:05:09,743 --> 00:05:11,743 ♪ What about beans? 118 00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:15,680 ♪ Don't you want someone to care about you? ♪ 119 00:05:29,712 --> 00:05:32,997 "Mary Davis gives birth to lamb?" 120 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:35,383 Holy crap! 121 00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:48,096 Oh, my God! What is that? 122 00:05:48,164 --> 00:05:51,566 I think those magic beans grew into a giant beanstalk. 123 00:05:51,635 --> 00:05:53,329 Hey, where the hell'd that thing come from? 124 00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:55,865 It's blocking my view of Little Miss Muffet's tuffet. 125 00:05:55,889 --> 00:05:59,507 Ooh, isn't my tuffet soft and pink and wonderful? 126 00:05:59,575 --> 00:06:00,909 Ah, damn it! 127 00:06:00,977 --> 00:06:03,306 I need to see that so I can make curds and whey. 128 00:06:03,330 --> 00:06:04,780 Relax, Rumpleforeskin. 129 00:06:04,848 --> 00:06:07,348 This is a magic beanstalk that grew overnight. 130 00:06:07,417 --> 00:06:08,716 And I'm gonna climb it. 131 00:06:08,786 --> 00:06:10,362 Jack, what are you talking about? 132 00:06:10,386 --> 00:06:11,898 You can't climb all the way up there. 133 00:06:11,922 --> 00:06:13,088 I have to. 134 00:06:13,156 --> 00:06:15,140 My old gym coach is over there with a whistle. 135 00:06:15,192 --> 00:06:17,175 Come on, Jack, 136 00:06:17,243 --> 00:06:19,510 your brother was varsity beanstalk climbing. 137 00:06:19,580 --> 00:06:21,700 He's dead! 138 00:06:33,327 --> 00:06:35,922 And now to throw this handful of change down 139 00:06:35,946 --> 00:06:37,962 because I'm a psychopath. 140 00:06:39,215 --> 00:06:40,649 Aah, damn it! 141 00:06:40,717 --> 00:06:42,316 Thank you! 142 00:06:44,354 --> 00:06:46,232 I say, who the devil are you? Go away! 143 00:06:46,256 --> 00:06:49,024 Aw, I'm sorry. Are you taking a goose poop? 144 00:06:49,092 --> 00:06:52,332 I'm not defecating, you nitwit. I'm laying an egg. 145 00:06:56,783 --> 00:06:59,818 Golden eggs! Oh, my God! 146 00:06:59,886 --> 00:07:03,705 This is probably what famous black rappers eat for breakfast. 147 00:07:04,908 --> 00:07:06,658 Who goes there? 148 00:07:06,727 --> 00:07:08,993 Oh, boy. You woke up Dum-Dum. 149 00:07:10,480 --> 00:07:13,548 Fee, fi, fo, fum. 150 00:07:13,616 --> 00:07:17,051 I smell the blood of an Englishman. 151 00:07:17,137 --> 00:07:19,798 It's odd that you would speak gibberish of your own choosing 152 00:07:19,822 --> 00:07:21,256 and not make it rhyme. 153 00:07:21,324 --> 00:07:24,025 How did you get here? By beanstalk. 154 00:07:24,094 --> 00:07:26,995 How did you get up here? This is just a house floating in the air. 155 00:07:27,063 --> 00:07:28,807 I fell from a higher cloud. 156 00:07:28,831 --> 00:07:30,877 That is not what happened. He's out of his mind. 157 00:07:30,901 --> 00:07:33,546 He just sits in his room all day and inhales hair spray. 158 00:07:33,570 --> 00:07:36,020 Well, you can't have my goose. 159 00:07:36,072 --> 00:07:39,374 Okay, two men fighting over me. Neat. 160 00:07:39,442 --> 00:07:41,387 All right, we're just gonna have to quietly run away. 161 00:07:41,411 --> 00:07:42,811 I'll create a diversion. 162 00:07:42,879 --> 00:07:45,546 Aah! Look at me! Look at me! Look at me! 163 00:07:45,615 --> 00:07:46,615 Aah! 164 00:08:08,522 --> 00:08:10,038 Damn beanstalk. 165 00:08:10,106 --> 00:08:12,919 Hey, Little Boy Brown! You said you were gonna help me saw. 166 00:08:12,943 --> 00:08:14,823 I can't find no gloves! 167 00:08:18,765 --> 00:08:20,281 Aah! 168 00:08:40,470 --> 00:08:43,038 Jack, six, giant, zero. 169 00:08:43,106 --> 00:08:45,240 What? What? Why is that six points? 170 00:08:45,309 --> 00:08:48,610 Oh, Jack, you're safe. I was so worried. 171 00:08:48,679 --> 00:08:52,013 And I got this golden goose! Our troubles are over! 172 00:08:52,081 --> 00:08:53,982 Well, our money troubles are over. 173 00:08:54,050 --> 00:08:57,185 Our sexual troubles are still very much alive. 174 00:09:04,060 --> 00:09:05,527 Now we wait. 175 00:09:06,863 --> 00:09:08,229 "The end." 176 00:09:08,297 --> 00:09:09,664 So, the lesson there is 177 00:09:09,733 --> 00:09:12,478 if you steal, you better be ready to murder, too. 178 00:09:12,502 --> 00:09:14,446 What do you say we read another one? 179 00:09:14,470 --> 00:09:17,717 Wow, you got a great view into Bonnie's window from here. 180 00:09:17,741 --> 00:09:19,352 Man, how do you get any work done? 181 00:09:19,376 --> 00:09:21,409 What do you mean? Lois is prettier than Bonnie. 182 00:09:21,478 --> 00:09:23,812 Oh, I get it. It's worse, but it's different. 183 00:09:23,880 --> 00:09:26,363 Okay, all right, so that's something. Okay. 184 00:09:32,255 --> 00:09:34,984 So I got out of the car to take a leak, because I'd been drinking, 185 00:09:35,008 --> 00:09:37,720 and I didn't know it was next to a children's park. 186 00:09:37,744 --> 00:09:39,706 But anyway, that's why this lady has to watch 187 00:09:39,730 --> 00:09:40,940 whenever I play with you. 188 00:09:40,964 --> 00:09:42,797 Both hands on the book, please. 189 00:09:42,866 --> 00:09:45,533 It's my son! Come on! Geez! 190 00:09:45,602 --> 00:09:47,018 Thank you, Maya. 191 00:09:47,086 --> 00:09:50,121 All right, the next story is Little Red Riding Hood. 192 00:09:50,190 --> 00:09:53,230 And if you like Daddy's stories, maybe let Daddy know. 193 00:09:55,545 --> 00:09:57,356 All right, I'm not gonna put my heart into this. 194 00:09:57,380 --> 00:10:00,292 "Once upon a time, Little Red Riding Hood," blah, blah, blah. 195 00:10:00,316 --> 00:10:02,178 "Beautiful forest," blah, blah, blah. 196 00:10:02,202 --> 00:10:03,429 Something, something. 197 00:10:03,453 --> 00:10:04,852 Thank you, sir! 198 00:10:04,921 --> 00:10:07,138 Red Riding Hood was choosing her clothes 199 00:10:07,206 --> 00:10:09,340 for a journey across the forest. 200 00:10:09,409 --> 00:10:12,560 You know, if I had the guts, I would be Little White Turtleneck. 201 00:10:12,629 --> 00:10:14,929 And by "guts," I mean "body." 202 00:10:14,998 --> 00:10:18,365 Red, don't forget this basket of food for Grandma. 203 00:10:18,434 --> 00:10:20,329 This whole thing is way too heavy. 204 00:10:20,353 --> 00:10:22,181 Why are you putting a bag of ice in here? 205 00:10:22,205 --> 00:10:25,106 Is this a Coors Party Ball? 206 00:10:25,175 --> 00:10:28,576 Is Grandma going to be entertaining Florida Jet Ski people? 207 00:10:28,644 --> 00:10:31,228 Remember, stay on the path and you'll be fine. 208 00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:33,509 Oh, yes, great advice from Mother of the Year. 209 00:10:33,533 --> 00:10:37,185 You do realize Grandma lives 68 miles away, right? 210 00:10:37,254 --> 00:10:39,720 You're sending your child out there to die. 211 00:10:43,693 --> 00:10:44,892 ♪ Tra-la-la-la-la 212 00:10:44,961 --> 00:10:46,727 ♪ Skipping song, skipping song 213 00:10:46,796 --> 00:10:49,077 ♪ No one's here to call me gay ♪ 214 00:10:50,367 --> 00:10:52,100 If you were my son, I would kill you. 215 00:10:52,168 --> 00:10:54,769 Really? Because I hear your son is a sap. 216 00:10:56,239 --> 00:10:59,340 If you're gonna hit the king, you better kill the king. 217 00:11:09,286 --> 00:11:11,285 Oh, hey. You're the wolf, right? 218 00:11:11,354 --> 00:11:13,521 Yup, and don't forget "big" and "bad." 219 00:11:13,589 --> 00:11:15,807 Nah. 220 00:11:19,029 --> 00:11:22,224 So, um, what happened with you and those three little pigs? 221 00:11:22,248 --> 00:11:24,226 Why did you want to eat them so badly? 222 00:11:24,250 --> 00:11:27,585 It's so amazing that that's what people think happened. 223 00:11:27,654 --> 00:11:29,432 First of all, I didn't want to eat them, all right? 224 00:11:29,456 --> 00:11:31,801 I wanted to talk to one of them. About what? 225 00:11:31,825 --> 00:11:33,235 Well, she was my ex-girlfriend, 226 00:11:33,259 --> 00:11:36,060 and I believed I was due an explanation 227 00:11:36,128 --> 00:11:38,062 about why she was such a fucking whore. 228 00:11:38,130 --> 00:11:39,942 All right, I'm off to my grandmother's, 229 00:11:39,966 --> 00:11:42,745 but before I go, I better take a deep-woods dump. 230 00:11:42,769 --> 00:11:45,129 Her bathroom is right off the dining room. 231 00:11:45,171 --> 00:11:48,055 So, it's either now or three days from now. 232 00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:53,572 Where are you going, dear? 233 00:11:53,596 --> 00:11:56,164 I got to go check on my shoe apartment complex. 234 00:11:56,232 --> 00:11:58,833 Old woman breeds like a gopher. 235 00:12:02,071 --> 00:12:04,639 Hello? Is anyone home? 236 00:12:04,707 --> 00:12:07,808 Ay. No, no. 237 00:12:07,877 --> 00:12:10,345 I can hear the muffled Mexican music. 238 00:12:12,349 --> 00:12:13,881 Look, if you guys don't shape up, 239 00:12:13,950 --> 00:12:17,034 I'm gonna rent this place to Goldilocks and the three bears. 240 00:12:17,103 --> 00:12:18,853 Ooh, this is nice. 241 00:12:18,922 --> 00:12:21,622 It's every bit as darling as you said. 242 00:12:21,691 --> 00:12:23,591 They're gonna fix up the place. 243 00:12:28,865 --> 00:12:30,331 Who is it? 244 00:12:30,417 --> 00:12:32,211 It's your granddaughter, Red. 245 00:12:32,235 --> 00:12:33,801 How do I know it's you? 246 00:12:33,870 --> 00:12:35,414 Oh, come on, that's a perfect imitation. 247 00:12:35,438 --> 00:12:38,623 Open up, I brought strawberry shortcake and Cool Whip. 248 00:12:38,692 --> 00:12:39,791 And what? 249 00:12:39,859 --> 00:12:41,637 Oh, sorry. I mean Cool Hwhip. 250 00:12:41,661 --> 00:12:43,511 That's my little girl. 251 00:12:44,531 --> 00:12:46,131 Oh, my! 252 00:12:52,855 --> 00:12:54,695 Come in. 253 00:12:55,825 --> 00:12:57,492 Who the hell are you? 254 00:12:57,561 --> 00:12:59,126 Why, your grandma, of course. 255 00:12:59,196 --> 00:13:01,006 All right, fine. I guess we're doing this. 256 00:13:01,030 --> 00:13:03,631 My, what big eyes you have, Grandma. 257 00:13:03,700 --> 00:13:06,501 All the better to see you with, my dear. 258 00:13:06,570 --> 00:13:07,702 My, what big... 259 00:13:07,770 --> 00:13:09,549 You know what? I'm sorry, I can't. 260 00:13:09,573 --> 00:13:11,317 I can't do this. I'm not an idiot. 261 00:13:11,341 --> 00:13:14,558 My grandma is a human woman. How was this ever a scene? 262 00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:17,028 All right, fine, yes. It's me, the wolf. 263 00:13:17,097 --> 00:13:19,825 Must we go through this charade? It's insulting. 264 00:13:19,849 --> 00:13:21,343 I don't know why you're complaining. 265 00:13:21,367 --> 00:13:24,363 I'm the one who's about to get violently bisected by the woodsman. 266 00:13:24,387 --> 00:13:26,499 What woodsman? 267 00:13:26,523 --> 00:13:27,538 Ha-ha! 268 00:13:39,669 --> 00:13:41,669 You know, I'm not sure if that's our hero 269 00:13:41,721 --> 00:13:45,256 or just a lunatic going house to house murdering people. 270 00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:47,170 Ha-ha! 271 00:13:50,563 --> 00:13:53,331 Yeah, he just did it again. I think we should... 272 00:13:53,399 --> 00:13:55,449 I think we should call somebody. 273 00:14:02,909 --> 00:14:06,911 Aw, look at the little guy. So peaceful. 274 00:14:06,979 --> 00:14:09,725 Hey! Wake up! We got one more! 275 00:14:09,749 --> 00:14:12,728 Now, if this don't get you to sleep, nothing will. 276 00:14:12,752 --> 00:14:15,019 Cinderella by nobody remembers. 277 00:14:17,724 --> 00:14:21,008 A long time ago, in a magical, faraway land, 278 00:14:21,077 --> 00:14:22,877 several women lived together 279 00:14:22,946 --> 00:14:26,331 and, surprise, surprise, they didn't exactly get along. 280 00:14:28,951 --> 00:14:31,318 Hey, Cinderella, how's the scrubbing going? 281 00:14:31,387 --> 00:14:34,099 God, we have so few female characters to work with. 282 00:14:34,123 --> 00:14:35,935 You just keep scrubbing that poo spot 283 00:14:35,959 --> 00:14:38,158 so I can come back and poo on that spot again. 284 00:14:38,227 --> 00:14:41,145 You guys are gonna regret being mean to me someday. 285 00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:43,264 Mean to you? Us? 286 00:14:43,332 --> 00:14:45,366 When are we ever mean to you? 287 00:14:45,435 --> 00:14:48,819 Remember the time you told King Midas to go to third base with me? 288 00:14:48,889 --> 00:14:50,821 Now I'm dealing with this. 289 00:14:52,092 --> 00:14:53,757 I dated him, too. 290 00:15:01,150 --> 00:15:04,202 It's so unfair that we're called the "evil" stepsisters. 291 00:15:04,271 --> 00:15:06,148 Yeah, I mean, you'd be evil, too, 292 00:15:06,172 --> 00:15:07,967 if your stepdad was Bruce Jenner. 293 00:15:07,991 --> 00:15:11,392 Hey, girls, feel my cheek, it's like a bottom! 294 00:15:13,763 --> 00:15:15,396 He stole me horn! 295 00:15:18,517 --> 00:15:20,012 Well, I don't know what that was, 296 00:15:20,036 --> 00:15:22,797 but the first one has a parchment from the Charmings. 297 00:15:24,407 --> 00:15:27,241 It's an invite to a party for the prince! 298 00:15:27,309 --> 00:15:30,389 I hear he's looking for someone to spend the rest of his life with. 299 00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:31,996 Well, it won't be you. 300 00:15:32,064 --> 00:15:34,666 Yeah, there's a reason this story's not called Cinderella. 301 00:15:34,734 --> 00:15:36,634 Actually, it is. Ah. 302 00:15:36,703 --> 00:15:38,819 That does not bode well for us. 303 00:15:41,558 --> 00:15:43,991 Has everyone scented their crotches with 304 00:15:44,060 --> 00:15:46,527 heather, rosemary and field greens? 305 00:15:46,596 --> 00:15:49,274 It should look like a mesclun salad down there. 306 00:15:49,298 --> 00:15:51,699 Oh, God, I hope the paintarazzi aren't there. 307 00:15:52,918 --> 00:15:53,951 Pinocchio! 308 00:15:54,020 --> 00:15:55,213 Pinocchio! Pinocchio! 309 00:15:55,237 --> 00:15:57,204 Sorry, I'm on the phone. 310 00:15:59,758 --> 00:16:03,861 Now, since we're all planning on drinking, I called us a pumpkin. 311 00:16:03,930 --> 00:16:05,045 Wait for me! 312 00:16:09,285 --> 00:16:12,519 You said if I had a nice dress, I could go to the ball. 313 00:16:12,588 --> 00:16:14,788 How did you even make that dress so fast? 314 00:16:14,857 --> 00:16:16,890 Oh, you know, I have an eye for fashion, 315 00:16:16,959 --> 00:16:19,092 and I'm pretty good with my hands. 316 00:16:19,161 --> 00:16:20,527 Unbelievable. 317 00:16:20,596 --> 00:16:22,841 Now I'm worried about that screenplay we gave her. 318 00:16:22,865 --> 00:16:24,476 You're not going to the ball! 319 00:16:24,500 --> 00:16:27,769 It's for ladies, not scumbag nobodies. 320 00:16:27,837 --> 00:16:31,205 Girls, shred her dress and divvy it up for monthlies. 321 00:16:45,021 --> 00:16:46,637 Well, that's not cool, either. 322 00:16:46,706 --> 00:16:48,586 They're all kind of bitches. 323 00:16:52,311 --> 00:16:53,939 And then they ripped up my dress, 324 00:16:53,963 --> 00:16:55,874 so now I have nothing to wear. 325 00:16:55,898 --> 00:16:59,032 Well, sometimes "nothing to wear" is a fun time. 326 00:16:59,101 --> 00:17:00,651 You know, just get weird. 327 00:17:03,056 --> 00:17:06,323 Cinderella, I am your fairy godmother. 328 00:17:06,392 --> 00:17:07,925 "Fairy" in the magical sense, 329 00:17:07,993 --> 00:17:09,694 not about kissing guys. 330 00:17:09,763 --> 00:17:11,312 Oh, my God! 331 00:17:11,380 --> 00:17:14,915 I want that bitch Snow White to just admit she had an abortion. 332 00:17:14,984 --> 00:17:18,669 Whoa, whoa! I was thinking more like a new dress for the party. 333 00:17:18,738 --> 00:17:21,138 Or a bunch of chew toys. Your choice. 334 00:17:21,207 --> 00:17:22,685 Chew toys. Take the chew toys. 335 00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:25,829 A new dress? Well, that means I could go to the ball! 336 00:17:31,183 --> 00:17:33,263 Oh, what a beautiful dress. 337 00:17:33,319 --> 00:17:35,297 But how will I get to the ball? 338 00:17:35,321 --> 00:17:37,321 I don't have a horse or a carriage. 339 00:17:43,663 --> 00:17:45,908 Oh, yeah, that's... Yeah, just change me into whatever. 340 00:17:45,932 --> 00:17:47,414 Yeah, that's cool. Thanks. 341 00:17:47,483 --> 00:17:49,227 Well, is everything all right in here? 342 00:17:49,251 --> 00:17:51,902 This hurts! This hurts! 343 00:18:02,832 --> 00:18:04,482 This ball is kind of lame. 344 00:18:04,551 --> 00:18:08,118 All these royal types are inbreeding, walleyed, bucktooth monsters 345 00:18:08,187 --> 00:18:10,154 who have to be wheeled around under a blanket. 346 00:18:10,222 --> 00:18:13,340 I say! Wherever is Grandmum-mum? 347 00:18:13,409 --> 00:18:16,510 She would so enjoy the festoonities! 348 00:18:16,579 --> 00:18:17,712 That's not a word, sir. 349 00:18:17,780 --> 00:18:20,814 My mind races from the damp! 350 00:18:21,383 --> 00:18:22,500 Hey, how are you? 351 00:18:22,552 --> 00:18:24,835 Hey, hi, there. Thanks for coming. 352 00:18:24,904 --> 00:18:26,504 These are my daughters, 353 00:18:26,572 --> 00:18:30,608 and they will do anything to be your princess, right, girls? 354 00:18:30,677 --> 00:18:32,037 See anything you like? 355 00:18:32,061 --> 00:18:34,962 Oh, my butthole is so tight today. 356 00:18:35,031 --> 00:18:36,396 Ew, you guys are gross. 357 00:18:36,465 --> 00:18:39,350 But stick around in case I don't find anyone else. 358 00:18:44,741 --> 00:18:49,176 Okay, first of all, obviously the dress. Wow. 359 00:18:49,245 --> 00:18:51,212 And you smell slightly less worse 360 00:18:51,281 --> 00:18:53,214 than everyone else in the kingdom. 361 00:18:53,283 --> 00:18:56,216 Oh, why, thank you, I just bathed last year. 362 00:19:13,570 --> 00:19:16,153 Whatever they play next is our song. 363 00:19:20,576 --> 00:19:21,876 What is that? 364 00:19:21,944 --> 00:19:25,424 Something else that had a fairy tale beginning. 365 00:19:31,470 --> 00:19:33,721 Hey, where you going? Come back here! 366 00:19:33,789 --> 00:19:36,857 You brushed up against it! You got to take care of it now! 367 00:19:46,435 --> 00:19:49,269 Wait, wait, you forgot your glass slipper. 368 00:19:52,175 --> 00:19:55,726 And a box of condoms. Aw, man! Things were gonna happen. 369 00:20:02,835 --> 00:20:04,502 We almost kissed. 370 00:20:04,570 --> 00:20:07,115 Why couldn't the magic have lasted five more minutes? 371 00:20:07,139 --> 00:20:10,207 Now I'll never get to be a rich, do-nothing wife. 372 00:20:10,276 --> 00:20:12,810 Sorry your dreams haven't come true. 373 00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:22,948 My Lord, there is no sign of her, and we searched far. 374 00:20:22,972 --> 00:20:24,805 Did you search wide? No. 375 00:20:24,874 --> 00:20:27,073 You got to search wide, that's like half of it. 376 00:20:28,710 --> 00:20:31,378 And so the prince searched all over the kingdom 377 00:20:31,447 --> 00:20:33,847 for the foot that fit the glass slipper. 378 00:20:33,916 --> 00:20:35,433 Well, not "all" over. 379 00:20:35,501 --> 00:20:37,851 He skipped the, uh, south side of town, 380 00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:40,654 which, uh, even in fairy tale times, was, um... 381 00:20:41,790 --> 00:20:43,657 Let's just say "loud." 382 00:20:47,730 --> 00:20:51,215 And so, whoever fits in this slipper will be my princess. 383 00:20:51,283 --> 00:20:54,251 Or prince. I'm bi. 384 00:20:54,320 --> 00:20:57,788 Oh, there's my slipper! Oh, I've been looking all over for it. 385 00:20:57,856 --> 00:21:00,524 Well, when I'm not doing gymnastics. 386 00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:02,526 This could be your life. 387 00:21:02,595 --> 00:21:04,261 Enough! 388 00:21:06,465 --> 00:21:07,764 It's you. 389 00:21:07,833 --> 00:21:08,882 Her? 390 00:21:20,095 --> 00:21:22,045 I can't wait to make love to you 391 00:21:22,114 --> 00:21:25,716 a hundred years before the invention of toilet paper. 392 00:21:25,785 --> 00:21:28,802 And so, two people who danced together one time 393 00:21:28,871 --> 00:21:32,206 entered into an ill-advised, long-term relationship. 394 00:21:32,275 --> 00:21:34,803 And they lived happily ever after for seven months 395 00:21:34,827 --> 00:21:36,438 and then separated with the goal of 396 00:21:36,462 --> 00:21:38,612 fixing themselves and getting back together. 397 00:21:38,681 --> 00:21:41,082 They got into a huge fight when his mom got sick. 398 00:21:41,150 --> 00:21:43,395 And now they don't even follow each other on Twitter. 399 00:21:52,161 --> 00:21:53,911 Good night, Stewie. 400 00:21:56,198 --> 00:21:57,914 Good night, Chris. 401 00:21:59,385 --> 00:22:00,968 Good night, Meg.